Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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