My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
