I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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