I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
