Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
