I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
