i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
