my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
