I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
