FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you would pick up someone in the library
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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