Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
