i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
