God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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