So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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