Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
