There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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