she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
