i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
