"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
