how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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