went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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