Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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