does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
