I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
