I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
