Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
