It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
