im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
