everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
