I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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