he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
