Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
