This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
