you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
