guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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