if you like me you must not know who I am
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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