He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
