He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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