I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I licked your asshole in confidence.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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