Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
