The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
