he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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