a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
