i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
