I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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