Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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