he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
