if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
