I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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