I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
